Almost 13 weeks

First of all.  Look at how big my little guy has gotten.  Started and 6 lbs 10 oz and is now about 14 lb 3 oz according to our scale.  In both above pictures he is in the car seat.  Notice the warning label and the feet are and see how much bigger he is.  It is crazy!

Oi, what a week.  I got the super unpleasant surprise of having my milk supply almost disappear this week.  To add to the trouble, it took me a day and a half to figure out why Logan was getting grumpier and he still isn’t back on track.  He much prefers the boob to the bottle, but since he doesn’t get enough then we have to also offer the bottle and sometimes he is just too annoyed to drink and sometimes he seems to want a lot.  The uncertainty of whether I am giving him enough milk makes everything harder.  Is he crying because he is overtired and needs to go to sleep or because he is starving???

He is just growing and changing like crazy.  Every day it is something new.  This week, he has moved past his pro-clasping abilities (like holding onto a ring, or a finger) and now loves to pinch things, like the foot of the toys on the activity mat or the feathers on the parrot on the activity mat.  He is also touching his own thighs a lot.  He clearly has figured out they are his and can control his hands enough to touch them.  It is cute.  He also has amazing hand eye coordination.  He still has clear preferences with each toy area.  He loves baby tigger (of course), he loves the parrot on the activity mat, and the dragonfly on the bouncer.  He likes looking to the right, so that may be part of it, since these are the toys on the right side (minus tigger who is everywhere!).  He smiles a ton and I feel like he is getting closer to giggling.  He has also rolled on his side twice in the crib while I washed my hands after changing his diaper.  He is amazing at tracking and will track from many feet away (especially his favorite toy, Daddy).  If Charles walks by him while he is in the bouncer he will follow him back and forth across the room.  He loves to watch Daddy dance and make faces.  He will mimic Charles like crazy (he only does it for me occasionally and interestingly, never for Julia, even though he loves playing with her).  His cutest moments are often on the changing table.  Even if he is grumpy, you put him there and he is a total flirt and full of smiles and sticking out his tongue.  Okay, last thing: he is getting better at putting his hands in his mouth and figured out that he can turn his hands around and stick his fingers in his mouth instead of trying to suck on the back of his fist.  Although, he is so excited about this, that he usually tries to fit all 10 fingers in at once, which isn’t as successful as he hopes. 

On the scarier side, he has always scooted down in his crib to have his feet touch the end, but now he actually gets his legs through the slats (about 8-10 inches) even though he is swaddled.  It scares me that he is going to hurt a leg, but he is too young for any type of bumper on the crib, which can suffocate young babies.  I keep trying to put his head as close to one end of the crib as possible, but he still somehow scoots the 3 feet down to the bottom of the crib.  He also is getting very consistent about getting his arms out of his swaddle.  Makes me wonder if he is getting closer to not needing it.  Or maybe the reason he cries out to us is because his arms are out and he can’t fall back asleep on his own anymore….(have I mentioned confusing signals?)

It has been a really emotional week for me.  Having milk supply troubles is so emotionally stressful and then add tons of pumpings and feedings and it leads to exhaustion.  Pile on top of all of that a really crabby kid and confusing cues (hungry, sleepy, etc) and it makes for one tired mommy.  On Wednesday I ordered a pizza and had some of a pumpkin gluten free beer, which was just what I needed.  Charles also took over that night and gave mamma a much needed break. 

On the positives (although confusingly timed), Logan is off the nipple shield and nursing directly.  He is really good at it and is much faster than with shield.  He also seems to enjoy it more and is getting more relaxed about it (at first he seemed more worried about delatching).  I enjoy it more as well.  All the drama with feeding/bottles/nursing, makes me realize that when he does have a peaceful nursing session, it really is a wonderful feeling.  Maybe it takes things being bad to realize how good something is.  I feel very connected to him and I see how much more relaxed he is than with bottles. 

10, 11 and 12 weeks

Note – too busy and tired to edit, sorry for any typos.

11 weeks (Sunday): Wow, another busy 2 weeks has flown by.  Logan is still really struggling with sleep (and that is how much I got done before he started crying, yay).

Alright, Wednesday now, trying again.  It has been another weekend and week of experimentation after we realized the last two weeks was going progressively worse.  It occurred to me, again, that we weren’t adapting to

Okay…12 weeks now (Sunday).  And he started to wake up as I opened my computer.  Logan is not a great sleeper during day and probably getting worse, but still doing okay at night.  We have tried all sorts of schedule adjustment and I’m not sure we have it all figured out yet but we are trying to give him a little more awake time during day.  We had success on Wednesday, failure on Thursday, success on Friday (and yesterday was just too messed up to tell).  I think we are getting a little better at interpreting his cues and keeping him up a little longer did lead to a few naps in the crib (without vibrator), though none more than an hour. 

He is changing so much now though and he is a delight to play with.  He loves to stick out his tongue, smile, and touch everything around him.  He is such a flirt (even when he is supposed to be sleeping).  At night when I change his diaper after feeding and before bed he will turn his head to the side and look out of the corner of his eyes up at me and shy-ly stick out his tongue.  It is so adorable!  He also is getting much more coordinated and likes to hold on to his baby tigger and push him into his mouth.  He will suck on nose, ears or eyebrows, but he prefers the ears and will squirm until he can make it happen.  He just started playing with his activity mat from great grammie and granddad Conover and he LOVES it.  There is a parrot and an elephant hanging down closest to the ground near both arms and he loves to whack at them.  He can self entertain there for quite a while.  It is fun seeing him staring at the parrot and concentrating on how to move his arm so he can smack it.  Even in the last week, he has gotten much better at it.  In general now, toys are more exciting to him and he is able to focus on them (or us) for long periods. 

We are figuring out that since he likes drives and walks, we can incorporate some errands with him into one of the cycles.  Although we have to be careful because we did it with two cycles yesterday and it back fired pretty big on us.  Oh well, you live and learn.

[another break to rock him back to sleep and move to crib] To get him to sleep, it usually entails a variety of methods (sometimes several in each nap, each working for about 30 min).  We use the crib vibrator, the swing, the bouncer (and of course car and stroller).  He only falls asleep in the car and stroller, otherwise, we have to rock him to sleep (and usually pat, sing, pacifier) and then transfer him.  Sometimes the only thing that works is sleeping on someone.  It can be really frustrating if he falls asleep easily on me (or whoever) then after being in crib for 5 minutes, wakes up screaming and never settles back again for rest of cycle.  You kick yourself that you would have rather just held him asleep rather than dealing with him fussy, but you would never get anything done. 

My sanity has been a little all over the place.  This baby stuff is hard.  A few things really help.  First, Charles is great and has been really helpful.  Although it is frustrating how Logan responds differently to us and it seems like sometimes only the cow (me) can calm him down, wonder if it is the whole boob thing.  Second, my backlit kindle came about 2 or 3 weeks ago and I have read 1.5 books since.  It has been great and really helped when I am rocking him a lot.  Julia enjoys it during the day as well.  Third, I have gotten out to see friends once each of the last two weekends.  It can be hard to choose socialization over getting things done or sleeping, but it is important. 

On the not so sane part, the breast feeding is really a mess some days.  If he doesn’t sleep well (common), he likes to snooze on me and getting him to eat enough can take an hour or more and that is time consuming and tiring.  I am constantly tempted to switch to pumping and bottle feeding but he still only sometimes likes bottles and then they have to be heated up which means you have to deal with a screaming baby while it warms up.  I am considering trying at night one of these nights though because being up for so long at night is really hard.  I also don’t want to totally stop because I know he gets a lot of comfort from me, and I like it (sometimes), and on some nights, the hour of him feeding is the only quiet and peaceful time Charles and I spend together!

On the 1st, Kevin and Tara will be here so Logan will get to meet Luke and Andrew.  I’m excited to see them all together.  Although everytime I plan an activity at a certain time, I get a little anxious because Logan has no schedule and who knows whether he will want to eat when it is time to leave or what.  Hopefully it will all go okay.  My plan is to have several bottles ready so that I can be flexible…

8 weeks old, 2 months old and 9 weeks old (catch up)

Well, for the first time since Logan was born I didn’t manage to write my blog last weekend (or start this weekend, I am writing it all on Monday).  I guess that tells you a little bit about how things have been.  It has been pretty non-stop, but not always in a bad way.  I spend a significant amount of my time nursing Logan, playing and going for walks, and trying to get him to sleep, or sometimes spend the whole cycle helping him sleep.  When you add grocery shopping, eating, showering, cooking and sleeping to the mix, there isn’t much time left over!  However, I am really enjoying it all, even the times when I have to drop everything to rock Logan for 2 hours.  I enjoy thinking about Logan and how he has changed and how he will change and myself and how much I’ve changed and will change.  It has been a transformative 9 weeks and I think the changes will keep coming fast and furious. 

Logan’s favorite things are going for walks outside and playing (well and of course eating).  He is very attracted to light, especially natural light and will stare at it forever!  Given how cold it is this time of year we take him for walks either in a fleece sleeper and front pack (body warmth adds a lot of heat) or we use his giant fluffy snow-suit and carry him or put him in the stroller.  He seems to love being warm and cozy while having the fresh air and maybe the cold on his face.  He likes the stroller but won’t fall asleep; he conks out in seconds in the front pack or being carried.  His favorite position right now is to be held upgright with his head against our chest, so carrying him in this position makes him happy, whether inside or out. 

He is doing all the proper baby things.  He looks at us and smiles, he tracks objects, he lifts his head really really well, he rolls over, and now he has started to coo more.  He still seems to like to do different things for different people.  For Julia, he does amazing tummy time, for me he coos a lot, and for Charles he mimics facial expressions (smiling, opening mouth, etc).  It is cute to see him interact differently with different people. 

He had his 2 month checkup last week.  He was 11 lbs and 9 oz and 23.75 inches long.  He is growing really well and the doctor proclaimed him as a perfectly healthy boy.  He also got his first shots since the hospital (where they don’t care because of the newborn coma).  He was not a giant fan of the process (shock).  He screamed really hard for about a minute (well one giant tortuous no breathing scream), and then calmed down.  They let me touch his top half while the shot happened and then pick him up immediately after to comfort him.  They said he might be fussy or sleepy, and that babies go either way after the shot.  In typical overachiever fashion, Logan was both.  He was very hard to calm down that evening (in his worst period anyway), but then he finally fell asleep (thanks to milk, boobs, and the 5 s’s).  He slept a ton that night be when he woke up periodically, instead of grunting, he would scream, then fall back asleep.  It made for a rough night for me as I tried to figure out if he was awake and wanted to eat or needed comfort.  Overall it wasn’t too bad, but it seems to have shifted him into a pattern now of going much longer between meals (which he was slightly shifting to before the shots).  He has only eaten 6 and 5 times the last 2 days and goes at least 4 hours between feedings instead of the typical 3 before.  At night he has going 5.5 to 6 regularly and last night went 7 hours!  He correspondingly wants to spend a longer time nursing and his belly gets really full.  As his stomach is adjusting, he has had some pretty major spit ups, but the doctor said it is completely normal.  Yesterday he only spit up once, so that was a big improvement and shows that he is adjusting. 

He is still pretty difficult to console in the evening (5 pm – 9 pm) and sometimes during the day as well, although I think that has more to do with our inability to drop everything for him.  During the week, when Julia is here, she is his only focus so she can hold him to sleep or take him for long walks (and he cries less and sleeps more).  Charles and I still need to shower, eat, clean, cook, etc. so we can’t hold him non-stop.  This leads to us trying things that sometimes don’t work, like transferring him to crib or bouncer after he is asleep.  Sometimes this works okay but sometimes it fails badly and leads to hours of crying.  I feel bad at times that we can’t prioritize him more, but we really do prioritize him, we just also have a few things to accomplish.  I am so grateful that we are financially sound enough to be able to afford a nanny so that she can do this for him.  If I was a stay at home mom I am pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to give him the same kind of attention. 

We are also thankful for help from Julia and my parents to allow us some sanity.  Weekend before last, Julia stayed late so Charles and I could join our friends for dinner.  Then my parents came both during the weekend to help me while Charles went out and during the week in the evening so Charles and I could eat dinner and talk to each other for the first time in a few days (and so I could sleep).  Then Julia came on Thursday while we took some time to go have breakfast and have a “day of fun,” as we dubbed it.  Then my dad came this weekend while Charles and I went grocery shopping together for the first time since Logan was born.  Overall, these little bits of time and breaks are really important and we need to keep allowing others to help us to make this happen!  However, I miss Logan like crazy and I feel like the world is out to make it harder by having there be small babies wherever I go.  I look forward to when Logan is a little more portable and I can bring him with me and share experiences with him.  We might try a trip to Whole Foods in a front pack soon, we’ll see.