Nesting and Asking for Help

I’ve heard about this nesting concept, but I didn’t realize it would start at the same time as the baby crazy feelings.  I don’t know if it is the fear of how I feel once pregnancy starts, but I have this irrational desire to organize and clean NOW!!!  Of course, it is made worse by the fact that if there is going to be a baby room in the future, some serious organization needs to happen to at least one of our two cluttered extra bedrooms.  It is strange, I’ll be sitting around relaxing with Charles, but almost itching to get up and be productive.  Unfortunately with my arthritis a little flared right now, I can’t heed that desire.  I often find myself wandering into the room to organize and have to stop myself and walk back out and sit down.  Yesterday I was able to spend about 30 minutes doing a little cleaning but I had to be really careful and I was tired for the rest of the day (but not hurt). 

Two of my girlfriends have offered to come help me get some organization done and I am super excited to see some progress.  However, Charles’ reaction to my desire to get some help is interesting but not unexpected.  I think he would rather we do it ourselves and is 1) unsettled by having people go through our things and 2) feels like a failure for not doing it himself.  I have similar reservations, but I think it is good practice for us.  For me, I need to know that there is an option other than me or Charles doing everything. 

I am sure I can’t even imagine how much work a baby will be yet, but I know that it will be too much for Charles to do on his own (or with minimal help from me).  In the past, when I have been really sick and the household responsibilities have fallen solely on Charles, it has been tricky.  When Charles has been too overwhelmed or busy to complete everything, I have felt like I had to do the task, no matter what the price to my body.  Fortunately for us, as a couple without kids, most tasks can wait a day or two, so this has come up rarely.  This situation is stressful for both of us too because Charles feels guilty for not helping.  However, I don’t blame him because realistically there is only so much a hard-working guy can do when he gets home from a long day at work before it is both unfair and unreasonable. 

However, with an infant, cleaning, laundry, bottles, etc. will all need to happen on a regular basis regardless of how tired Charles and I are.  Therefore, I think it will be so important for us to ask and, especially, hire help.  We are both on board with hiring a nanny (in thought anyway), but I still think it feels like failure in both of our minds and a little practice asking for a receiving help is a good thing for both of us.  Of course, we have amazing and loving family and friends who will help too.  I think, for me, having hired help for most of the chores and not so fun baby tasks will make me feel like less of a failure then depending solely on charity.  Of course, family and friends will be welcome to help with the fun baby holding part of things! 

Although this sounds good on paper, I don’t doubt that my maternal instincts will be a million times louder in my head than the nesting instincts.  When my baby cries, I will want to get him/her and it will take some practice to let someone else help (not to say that person can’t just bring the baby to me).  This goes into another post about being the mom I want to be (so stay tuned).