Friday, September 2, 2011

The Start of Changes

Although Charles and I decided about 2 months ago to consider the process, and about 1 month ago to really engage in it, I am just now feeling the effects of it.  I have stopped my previous arthritis medication and switched to an oldie-but-goody that is better for pregnancy.  However, while I wait for the new one to kick in, I am feeling a little worse.  It is hard not to dwell on each day and try to prepare myself for 12 more months of this.  However, that is silly.  Yes, I want to be prepared for the worst and not be disappointed in myself or circumstances if it is bad, but if I am in pain and I am thinking, great one of 365 more, it is hard to want to continue the process with a good attitude.

Since I was 19 and first got arthritis in my hips, I wouldn’t say I have been average, at least physically.  I have gotten pretty used to it and not found that it got in the way much.  As I approach motherhood, I am struck by how different yet similar I feel to other wanna-be mothers.  Is my potential pregnancy a little more complicated?  Sure!  However, my fears are the same as all moms.  How will I feel while I am pregnant?  Will I be sick, will there be complications?  Will my baby be healthy?  Will I have any long term effects from pregnancy?  Regardless of whether I had arthritis, I would be asking these questions.  The more I think about the differences that might pregnancy might have, the more nervous I get.  I find comfort in knowing that this whole process is an unknown for everyone.  I may have more things that could go wrong, but I may have nothing go wrong! 
For now, I am trying to take one day at a time and not plan for the worst.  I feel very good about our plan for my medications and I really like our doctor, which gives me great comfort.  Not to mention that I have a fantastic partner who is willing to step in and help whenever I need, and tons of friends and family who would do almost anything for me!  I think whatever price I pay in the short term to bring this baby into the world will be well worth it! 

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