I'm So Excited, I'm So Scared!

Not only is this a great quote from one of the best Saved By the Bell episodes, but it is a pretty good summary of how Charles and I feel about parenting.  I asked Charles over breakfast what he is most scared about with kids and his immediate answer was “everything.”  I asked what he was most excited about and there was a long pause.  I feel the same way.  I am super excited to be a mom, but it is a lot easier to quantify and list my fears that to list what moments I am most looking forward to.  When I see mom’s interact with their kids I find I really want to be the mom, but I can’t tell you why.  However, listing things I am afraid of is easy, from having them be healthy, fit and active, to having them be full of self-esteem and ambition. 

I feel like this is where biology really helps out.  There is no reason I should be so baby crazy if I can’t tangibly come up with reasons for wanting a baby.  I consider myself a very rational and logical person and the feeling in my soul about wanting a baby transcends all that.  I suppose this is biology’s way of making sure we go through with this, even though it means discomfort and changing your life forever.

The other factor that helps is that I have obviously talked to other parents.  You don’t meet very many parents who wish they didn’t have kids (I have never met one).  A guy I knew a while ago had two surprise children, including one before he was married.  He was the kind of guy who always seemed like parenthood was maybe too much work for him and he wished it hadn’t happened.  Then one day he was talking about chasing his daughter through the halls of Microsoft and how she was giggling and he “lives for that laugh.”  If a guy like that can be frustrated with the trials of parenthood but still 100% glad he had kids, then I know it will all work out. 

I realized biology had fully set in when I was watching Meghan and Richard’s kid at Rock Bottom the other week and he was having fun blowing snot out of his nose.  Usually I look at that kind of gross or hyper activity and think, “god, I am so not ready for that.”  This time, I looked at him and thought, “that is gross, but I still really want one.”