Impending Doom

I am going to start weaning myself of Celebrex in 3 weeks.  It is hard to not feel a sense of impending doom hanging over each day.  I won’t probably feel really bad for 2 weeks after I start tapering, but starting in 3 weeks I will have to drastically cut back on my activity.  One wrong step or wrong move can tweak my joints or tendons enough to either flare an existing tendonitis (wrists, pinkies, knees, jaw, elbow, toe) or start a new one (which would then be permanently easy to re-flare).  I find myself pretty optimistic about pregnancy and hoping for remission (although not planning for it), but it is hard to not dread the period where I am off Celebrex and hoping to conceive. 

I am lucky enough to have a great job and if I need to cut back on hours, I can do it as much as I need.  Also, I shouldn’t need to do much around the house so I can focus on being smart and taking care of myself.  However, stupid things happen (like today I ran into my dresser drawer and will probably be feeling it for a few days), so in addition to not pushing myself, I am going to have to have my guard up all the time.  Also it is frustrating when my hands and legs are flared, and my only option is to sit around a watch tv (or read my kindle, yay to having a kindle which will be easier to hold/prop up). 

However, I am working hard at non thinking about the future bad times.  I call it “pre-grieving” and it is a total waste of energy.  There is a certain amount of sense in pre-planning (doing whatever organizing I want now, prepping my work folks, etc.), but why sit around and imagine what it is like to be in pain?  I’ll have plenty of time to enjoy it when it happens ;).  I also need to just remind myself that the whole thing is temporary.  How many parents do you know, wouldn’t put up months of pain in order to have a child?  The prize makes the whole thing worth it.  I know I would regret it forever if I let fear or wimpiness keep us from having a kid.