I really concerned about what is going to happen when I stop Celebrex. Last week I took a half dose (which is really a full dose for most people) and by day 5 I was hurting all over and it was almost impossible to walk or use my hands (aka move or work). I have to be off for two weeks before we conceive. Which means I will be fully off in almost exactly 4 weeks (a little less). I have to taper for at least a week (I thought it had to be three, but I realized I can shorten it).
It is likely I won’t be able to work after I stop Celebrex. If I don’t start prednisone, it is likely this could continue through pregnancy (unless I have remission). I am not sure what that will be like for me. I will probably check my email each day, but the rest will be some sort of paid leave. I have 6 weeks of vacation time and some sick leave left, probably a week or two. However, knowing I will need leave after the baby is born, it is all money out of our pockets. I don’t have to worry about the effect on my career, which is a relief. Ultimately we have the money to have me not work for much longer if we need to, but it is weird knowing that I won’t be contributing. It is also hard not knowing how long it will last for. Even after the kid is born it might be hard to work and then we’ll want a second one.
The biggest worry I have right now is actually how being in pain with affect Charles. I am not one to talk about my pain a lot, but when I am having a particularly bad day I might whine a little about it. Charles then gets really worried about it. Unfortunately, the alternative is not talking about how I am feeling at all, which is very isolating and isn’t good either. Charles’ response lately to pain has been “are you sure we should be doing this kid thing?” Of course I am not SURE, but it seems like it is the right time. I am not SURE I can handle the pain with grace, but I am willing to handle the pain in order to have a kid. It is tricky though that for the first time, I am CHOOSING to be in pain. It makes me feel like I shouldn’t be as upset or annoyed when the pain happens.
Dear Katie, My heart goes out to you. I hope that your body will adjust to different levels of the medications and that the pain will be manageable. It's kind of old-school Catholic thought that we can offer our pain to God- that is, that we all have crosses to bear and we unite our suffering with Christ who suffered for us. This thought doesn't remove the pain but gives it value in our eyes. Charles is there for you, let him love you through this and every crisis of heart and flesh. Keep hoping for the best but be prepared for all the big and little problems of life. My prayer for you is that you will be serene and feel well enough to have a good life despite the pain and worry. I love you very much!
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