Sunday Logan turned two weeks old. I can’t believe he has been part of our life for two weeks now. It has flown by and I can’t imagine our life without him. On the other hand, the two weeks of exhaustion (plus week of labor), has still been compounding and I feel like I haven’t come close to catching up on sleep, despite actually getting a good number of hours of sleep. It has been another week of guessing and learning and theories coming and going about what Logan likes and doesn’t like and needs and doesn’t need. I don’t think we have it all down yet, but I know for sure we are getting closer to figuring this thing out. Here is where we stand on the main issues:
Logan (sorry for the laundry list, but here are my impressions of my little one) – He is a delightful baby. He still has his fabulous hair and it always ends up in a faux-hawk no matter what we do (although we love it!). He is really quite calm and he sleeps well on his own, which I know can be tough at this age. He does seem to have a radar for when we are about to eat or are just getting comfy and then he will start fussing. For instance, he has been quiet for about 30 min now, so I pulled out my laptop to finish this post and he immediately started grunting (although I don’t think it will escalate this time). He has a beautiful smile, which he shows us when he is falling asleep. I am pretty sure he has a dimple on his right cheek but I haven’t gotten a good look at the left yet. I would love for him to have some of his mommy’s dimples! He still has a love hate relationship with his arms (he loves them and they keep him from being happy or sleeping). His belly button fell off Monday, which is an exciting step toward growing up. We can’t tell if he is gaining weight yet (he still seems so little), but given the amount he is eating and pooping and peeing, I think he will get bigger quickly! We still can’t tell the color of his eyes yet, they look dark gray with no hint of brown to them, but who knows where they will end up. He doesn’t seem to like to be held when he is not fussy and falling asleep. He’d rather be in his crib and stretch out. If he is fussy though, sometimes he wants to be held and sometimes not. We are still going through many theories on what might bother him the days he is more off (since most days he is so calm), but I am not sure there is always an explanation. We are blessed he is calm so often and we need to just keep that in mind on days like Monday where he is more difficult for 9 hours in a row (but thank god for Harvey Karp’s happiest baby on the block that will settle him down, even if in a parent intensive way).
Nursing – Nursing is probably the category with the least improvement. Despite my god-given amazing milk supply, feeding has still not been easy for Logan and me. We have definitely learned (and can’t imagine it will change for a while, no matter how much he thinks it should), that he MUST be swaddled while feeding. He will actually push me away with his hands or break the latch. It also frustrates him and he ends up nearly having a fit! It is a disaster. Second, he must be really hungry to feed without the nipple shield, even on the left side. It works, but he goes about 5-6 hours between feeding, which is not ideal. With the nipple shield, he is now on about an every 3-4 hour schedule. 3 hours during day and 4 hours at night. We are not making him wait until that time necessarily, but if he is less than 3, we try to comfort him until then and if more than 4ish, will wake him up (although this hasn’t happened in a few days). The feedings seem to be getting longer and sleepier. What he used to be able to accomplish in about 20-30 min is now taking about an hour. It is frustrating, and is very mom-intensive to constantly poke and prod him to keep him eating. Even still, sometimes he de-latches, falls asleep and won’t relatch. We have tried now changing his diaper mid-feed or even taking breaks for tummy time but nothing seems to help much Thankfully, he seems to be a little better at night and then falls asleep really well at end. During day he may fall asleep in middle and then wake up 90 minutes later and want to eat (after not being willing to fall asleep at all). Logan is more committed and drinks deeper on the right side than the left now (yes he had a left preference before). I think there is some combination of necessary pumping to make my breasts not too full for him. I am still trying to work this out without stealing milk he needs. Plus, at night I don’t want to pump as much (I’d rather sleep) but then by morning my breasts are very full and he seems to struggle more. I should take the 5 minutes and just pump because literally that is all it takes and so I shouldn’t sacrifice a future feed for 5 minutes of sleep.
Sleeping – He sleeps really quite well. We have adapted our routine again based on what seemed to work for him. He was sleeping great in his crib during the day: conking out and sleeping quietly and soundly until about 15 minutes before it was time to eat when he would stir and eventually cry out. In the bassinet in our room, he was much more uneasy the entire time, requiring attention and a pacifier often. This meant he was sleeping worse and so were we! Two nights ago we tried him in the crib all night and AMAZINGLY this was really successful. Who knows why, but it works. We have the baby monitors set up in living room and bedroom so that we can hear him really well even when we are sleeping. It makes me a little more uncomfy to have him in another room, especially given the small SIDS risk increase when they don’t sleep in your room, but I think him sleeping and then eating well are more important. He has a little more trouble sleeping during the day the last few days on at least one of the feeding cycles (today it has been from 12-6). If he doesn’t get a good meal in, it can throw everything off. In this case, the heater service people were here and I lost track of how much he had eaten and I am not sure he got enough or maybe he sensed my distraction and it affected him too. I definitely am not ready for trying to feed out in the real world and hope to keep things mellow here, because any distraction (on my part) seems to result in some torment for him (and us).
We have also worked out a schedule for us that seems to be working. I try to go to bed shortly after dinner (around 9) and Charles stays up until 1 or 2, depending on the feeding schedule. I get to sleep with the door shut and no baby monitor. Charles also puts Logan to bed after the last feeding around 9 and does the diaper changing prepping him for the next feeding (buying me an extra 30 minutes of sleep in that cycle). This means I have been getting at least two 3 hour chunks the last few nights (his 1-5 or 2-6 cycle is usually 4 hours, so I get 3 hours sleep). I also then nap after morning feeding and breakfast, and try to nap once during the day. I think I ultimately get about 8-9 hours of good sleep, but it is still taking me a while to catch up. Charles sleeps from 1 to 10 or 11 so he is getting good sleep too!
Awake-time – As discussed above, he seems to have figured out that daytime is daytime and nighttime is nighttime. The first week, he was very alert after nighttime feedings. Now, he is fairly milk drunk. I also try to encourage this. During the day, we do tummy time after feedings and at night, I burp him and then try to feed him a little more so he falls asleep on the breast and then I can put him down really easily. Although it isn’t perfect, and daytimes have been a bit fussier, it is nice to have it during the day rather than at night!
Diapering/tummy time/skin-to-skin time – We are getting better and faster at diaper changes and changing him, although he isn’t usually helping ;). He hates tummy time generally and will fall asleep only to wake up completely once we are done and refuse to sleep for real. A few times (maybe 4 total) he has done really well with tummy time (out of about 3 tries each day since a week ago). Skin-to-skin time is supposed to be good for babies but Logan seems to hate it. He is either too tired, too awake, too full, too hungry, etc. It results in lots of screaming. We will keep trying but it doesn’t seem to be his favorite. Today we combined tummy time and skin-to-skin on daddy’s chest and this seemed good for both of them! We may try to do that each morning. He does love his mobile for entertainment and I can’t imagine our life without it! I think this is part of why the crib is so successful. It has a white noise setting (great for sleep), and a music setting which we use during diaper changes and also to entertain him while we wash our hands after diaper changes.
Me and my health – I am doing pretty well. I had a blissful week without any arthritis pain after delivery but those days are over. I am struggling now with pain in my ankles and hands mostly (although everything hurts a little). I tend to flex my ankles when I am feeding Logan (unnecessarily) and also I have to use my hands to help position Logan and that seems to really tire them and my wrists out. Unfortunately for the hands, this isn’t something I can fix easily. I am hoping as Logan gets better at eating that I can use more pillows or towels and less me. My stomach has still not been great, but it has been on and off so I am not spirally out of control.
Emotionally, this two weeks has been quite a rollercoaster. I would say I have had some of the normal “baby blues” which is to say that I have a cried a few times for absolutely no reason (note: I never cry, especially not for no reason). However, I would say I am hanging in there well and no signs of actual post-partum depression or anything. I am also really enjoying being Logan’s mom and when I come to get him after a nap (even if he is screaming bloody murder), my heart skips a beat when I see him and hold him. I am learning about myself that when I am tired, my default mode is to want to quit. I would not have said in my life I have ever been a quitter, and to be fair, I haven’t quit at anything yet, but it is what goes on in my head over and over again. When breast-feeding is difficult I think over and over about pumping and bottle feeding him the breastmilk. I almost fantasize about it. I have set goals for myself that divide the 4 weeks I hope to breastfeed naturally before introducing a bottle. When I wanted to quit last week my Doctor said to give it one more week. That ends today, so now I am going to say give it until he is 3 weeks old (Sunday) and when I get there, I will talk myself into one more week. Every day and every feeding I make it is good, and I need to be proud of myself and then challenge myself for more. I also think that the more tired I am, the harder perspective is. I can have 4 feeds that are okay with good naps and then 1 that isn’t and it will be so demoralizing. However, this is a great average and I need to just shake off the bad one.
Charles and I are getting a little less jumpy as new parents and don’t run and jump at every grunt and cry. We are not ferberizing him at this age, but he will sometimes cry once or twice and then fall asleep again. We make sure he is actually pissed before we respond. Compared to two weeks ago, it is so much easier to not react right away. It used to kill me to hear him grunt, even for a second. I am not looking forward to actual ferberizing when the time comes though (probably 4 months or so, but maybe he’ll be such a good sleeper, that we won’t have to).
Overall we couldn’t be more pleased with this experience. I thought I would regret not being a mom if I didn’t do it, but I had no idea how amazing it would be! Thanks Logan for joining our family!
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