Note - i have been doing a lot better job writing these than editing and posting, so I am going to start just posting as they come or writing in chunks without trying to make it seem organized. Maybe in a month or two I can get back to that, but for now i will go with content over editing!
(Written 1/6/13)
Charles and I can’t believe an entire week has gone by, holy smokes! In about 15 minutes from when I am writing this, Logan will turn a week old. Not going to say it has been an easy week, but it has flown by and been full of the most powerful emotions I have ever felt in my life. I have always been protective of friends and family and especially Charles, but nothing like what I feel for this little guy. Leaving the room that he is in is so hard! I am so in love with Logan and I didn’t expect the emotions to be so powerful so quickly!
This week has had a lot of steps forward and of course steps backwards. At first, we thought that once we found a solution to a problem, then that problem was fixed, HA! So I think night 3 he slept a few chunks alone and we thought that he would do that from then on. I am now realizing that it should give you a glimmer of hope, but don’t start planning on it because it is just as likely it won’t happen. That day, neither of us napped, thinking we’d get plenty of sleep at night and it made for a really exhausting shrieky evening (Logan’s shrieks, not ours).
We are still learning and adapting though. We are both getting quicker and better at diaper changes (though our doula made it look like we were glacial, so we can still improve). Logan is also learning to sleep on his own and each night has had at least one segment (two last night) where he slept for 3 or so hours on his own without waking. His feeding is probably the most complicated. He was feeding pretty well originally with a football hold and a nipple shield (to help him latch), but then my milk started coming in too strong and he started to drown since gravity was helping the milk go quicker in that hold. We switched to cross cradle, which is in front and means gravity is not helping anymore. Also, although the nipple shield originally helped Logan latch, he has gotten less and less interested in it and actually will fight against it. We were getting to the point where he wouldn’t eat with it and wouldn’t even try, so it wasn’t worth it. So now we are going all natural, but he can’t seem to figure out how to latch consistently, especially on the right side. We have been trying since 8pm last night and finally had some success.
(written 1/9/13 early morning)
Breastfeeding has also been one step forward to steps back. We have continued with the natural style but he will only feed on the left side. However, this went from being a consistent easy-ish process to a nap/scream filled struggle. He woke up this morning around 6:15am, clearly ready to eat (he had eaten a good meal at 1:30 am, and really he is supposed to eat every 2-3 hours but he never likes that). I brought him out to feed him and although enthusiastic, he couldn’t figure out how to latch. Then he falls asleep. 10 minutes later he’ll wake up and we’ll repeat. It is now 7:15 and he hasn’t actually drunk any milk. It is frustrating because I know I can’t put him to sleep (he is too hungry to sleep), but he won’t eat either. Luckily, he will comfort-snooze where one of us can usually hold him and keep him happy (although this has its limits too, especially for Charles). In this hungry state, he seems to prefer snoozing on or near me (he is next to me now) rather than Charles. This whole process has made nighttime feedings super miserable because it is not just 15-25 minutes of “feeding” but an hour of struggle, plus often at night he likes to be awake and alert and won’t want to fall asleep. However, last night I did sleep a decent chunk between 3:00 am and 6:00 am. However, nothing makes it harder to fall asleep than the pressure that if you don’t do it quickly, you are losing sleep because you have to be up in a finite amount of time.
I have also started pumping my right breast, which has been good since he won’t drink from it. This has allowed me to already store about 12 oz of breast milk in less than 24 hours. I am glad that although not everything is easy, milk supply does not seem to be an issue for me. This is making it super tempting to switch him to bottle feeding, but I talked to my doctor about giving this thing one more week. That seemed a lot more doable yesterday than this morning at 7am after three more epic battles to get him to feed, but we’ll see. I also have the haunting pediatrician’s recommendation in my head that he eat every 2-3 hours. At this point, he hasn’t eaten for 6 hours and she made a comment about their bodies needing food regularly, unlike us, so I feel like a bad mom, even though I know I am doing all I can. It makes it impossible to just say “fine, no food until the next feeding” though. Which means now 5 times since writing this I have re-offered him food when he seemed hungry, but after a few initial latching attempts, he falls back asleep. I like knowing I have the option of pumped breast milk if this doesn’t work, but it also makes me want to give up at moments like this.
(written later in day - and yes I am sure this post seems officially schizo)
He has been doing better today. We have decided to ignore conventional wisdom about feeding times and go with his cues to us. This has led to better and longer naps and better and longer feedings and better and longer awake happy time. All in all it seems successful and he is has still had plenty of diaper changes to show he is getting what he needs!
He is such a sweet boy and we are seeing more smiles and expressions from him. He also has been doing more tummy time (with intermittent success of actually doing baby exercises versus just taking a nice nap). We have been doing the tummy time on my baby blanket, which my mom restored beautifully. It is fun to see my son on a blanket I remember being so connected to (I slept with it on top of my comforter probably until about high school because it always just felt right to have it near me). He also loves his mobile (thanks Aunt Tina), and will stare at it for a long time (see flickr video). This is great when we can’t console him any other way or just for washing hands. It also has a white noise setting and he took a pretty epic nap yesterday under its clicking/white noise setting while mom and dad got to actually eat dinner at the same time. He also is opening his eyes wider and wider and gazes into our eyes, which is so much fun!
Well, I am looking forward to what the next week will bring. Hopefully we will continue to improve in some areas and get to learn more about who Logan is!
If you haven't checked out our flickr page, go to: http://www.flickr.com/photos/charlesandkatie/
No comments:
Post a Comment