Labor Story

Short version in Q&A:  People have asked me a few questions about my labor and I realize this is the best way to sum it up:

1. How’d the labor go?  Perfect – I had a vaginal birth without induction (scheduled two days later) where I delivered my healthy baby with no complications or scares (he tolerated contractions like a champion) and no need for forceps or other assisted delivery. 
2. Did the labor go as you expected?  Oh god no, but since it was my first labor, I didn’t intend any of my expectations to be right.  However, I definitely didn’t plan on 5 days of early labor and 4 nights with no sleep leading into the delivery.  I also did not expect to choose to get an epidural, but the situation warranted it (in my view) and I am happy with the outcome and I have no regrets.  I was hoping that I would have more composure in general and especially in pushing (where my epidural had worn off), but it sounds like composure isn’t often a big part of labor and the lack of sleep really made my mental and emotional fortitude low to start with.  Nonetheless, I got the job done and delivered Logan without the doctors needing to intervene, so I am proud of myself!

Long Version (okay really long version):
I had been getting contractions on and off the last few weeks, as is normal, but on Christmas eve I woke up and immediately noticed that my cervix seemed sore/painful.  I didn’t think much of it and headed to the doctor for my schedule ultrasound, doctor visit (with the backup doctor, Dr. Patina Paek since Carolyn Kline was out of town all week) and my non-stress test.  I had the non-stress test first where they measure heartbeat and contractions and on the monitor they picked up 5 pretty intense contractions (which I noticed were increasingly painful).  As soon as the machine was unplugged, I continued to get contractions about every 5 minutes through the ultrasound and waiting for the doctor.  Dr. Paek decided to check my cervix, and said it was about 50% effaced and 1 cm open and 1.5 cm long.  Since labor is defined as a change in the cervix, and it hadn’t been checked since thanksgiving, she couldn’t say whether this was the start of labor but told me to call if anything happened. 

I went home and the next few days proceeded with my trying to rest because movement definitely increased contractions, and I didn’t want to have the baby on Christmas, especially since Kevin, Tara, Luke and Andrew were in town and my family was going to spend Christmas together.  I also was hoping that by resting I could delay labor so my doctor would be back in town (she returned on the 31st).  This worked pretty well and the contractions weren’t overly painful or bothersome (although they continued to come every 5 min or less apart) so I hung out with family and was doing fine on the 24th and 25th. 

The morning of 26th I woke up with my stronger contractions really bothering me.  We timed them for a while (they started about 3 am) and called our doula.  She came but although my contractions were noticeably more painful they were not painful enough or consistent enough to be considered labor so she went back home.  At this point though, the contractions were not terrible if I was sitting or standing but quite painful when I tried to laying down so I was unable to sleep after about 3:00 am on the 26th until after Logan was born).  We decided to stay home from my parent’s house given the increase and my exhaustion (already starting).  We took it easy.  The frequent painful contractions continued until the 29th.  Saturday the 29th, I got out of bed at about 3 am (again) with the pain too bad to tolerate, much less sleep through.  We timed contractions and our doula came over about 6 am again.  The contractions were significantly more painful again, keeping me from talking or thinking through them.  Deana (the doula) helped time them and they got pretty close and consistent (about every 3 minutes and lasting about 1 min 20).  During this, Charles made me gluten-free Christmas Danish, which was awesome!  At about 10 am, while I was in the bathroom, Charles and Deana decided we should go to the hospital if things stayed the same or worse for another 20 min.

However, I got back and things suddenly got less intense (although frequency was similar).  We decided to take out the breast pump and try some nipple stimulation to heat things back up.  At this point, I was exhausted and just wanted the whole thing to move along or stop completely, and since the second wasn’t going to happen, I was for the first!  It seemed to bring up intensity, but then they started coming more irregularly, 4 min, then 5, then 3 min.  We decided after a while to let Deana go home and see what happened.  The rest of the day was much of the same, painful and frequent contractions, no sleep, but nothing that escalated to real labor.

At about 10 pm contractions heated up again and were much more intense now and very regular.  I was getting to the end of my rope and was definitely unable to sleep.  We decided at about 1 am to go to the hospital so that I could get checked and we could decide how to proceed.  I was 1.5 cm dilated when we got there (measuring contractions frequently) so they asked us to walk and see what happened in an hour.  After 1 hour, I was 2 cm dilated.  They said I was probably in labor but that they can’t admit me until I was 4 cm so I had to go home.  I said I couldn’t sleep and they suggested and morphine shot.  I was TOTALLY uncomfortable taking morphine (I don’t want in my blood much less my baby’s) so I turned it down despite having now gone way past the end of my rope in terms of exhaustion. 

We went home and I sat on the couch and Charles crashed next to me.  My contractions were every 2.5 to 3 minutes and extremely painful (especially in my hips and some in my back).  It was agonizing and I didn’t sleep a wink.  I used my hypnobirthing techniques and was able to stay calm and relaxed.  At 4 pm when we got home I made the deal with myself that if I dilated .5 cm in 1 hour at the hospital that if I waited 4 hours at home, I would be 4 cm and we could go back and then maybe they could break my water or something to get things moving; I knew I didn’t have much energy left.  At 6 am I announced to Charles that I wanted to go back to the hospital at 8 am and he said okay (but apparently was asleep, see later).  I also texted and spoke with Deana and told her I was seriously exhausted and that I was pretty sure I was going to get an epidural because at this point I had no energy left to push out my baby (one of the conditions under which I had always considered an epidural). 

At 8 am I woke Charles and told him to call the doctor.  He said “later.” And I (maybe) freaked out and said absolutely no, it had to be now.  He was confused and it turns out he had not actually woken up for our previous conversation.  We called the doctor though, who said to come to the hospital and I got up to use the bathroom before we went.  Charles started packing the bag (again).  When I got to the bathroom, my water broke (game on indeed!).  Things got really chaotic as I was now dealing with a mess (although not all at once because the baby was so low in my pelvis and blocking the flow other than during contractions) and also the contractions were suddenly much worse and my tired brain was struggling.  Charles was very concerned about my stability but I couldn’t follow directions well so we had a few snafoos.  We got in the car though and to the hospital and our doula met us there right away.  They checked me, and I was 4 cm (OH THANK THE FRICKING LORD) so not only was I admitted (the water breaking was enough for that), but I could get an epidural right away (4 cm is the cut off where if you get it earlier it can really slow labor).  They had me strapped to the bed for checking and monitoring which was always the most painful position so I was losing it pretty thoroughly at this point and all ideas of breathing well and keeping calm were GONE! 

They finally walked me over to my delivery room and after being there shortly, Deana suggested Charles go get the bag and move the car (we had left it in the turn-around initially).  As soon as Charles left I started puking my toenails out and could barely breathe, so things were going well (haha).  Thankfully I hadn’t eaten in a while so that was done fairly soon and despite no breathing and a terrible contraction, I didn’t spill anything from my tiny dish (it is funny how proud of myself I was at the time).  They had me back in the torture bed, so I continued to have zero composure as the contractions kept coming.  Eventually the anesthesiologist arrived and I was probably a pretty uncooperative patient, but after his second try, the epidural worked and I got some relief.  Within 5 minutes the pain in my hips was gone (which turned out to be about 80%) of my pain.  Within 20 minutes, the uterus and back pain were gone.  By this point it was about 9:45 am-ish and I got a break until about 1pm.  I rested on and off and answered questions from the nurses.  They weren’t able to monitor my contractions, so Dr. Paek placed a sensor inside me so that they could make sure the baby was doing well during the contractions.  He was ;)

I started noticing the contractions again and definitely some pressure.  I neglected to speak up about the contractions coming back, assuming I was supposed to feel them but it turns out I wasn’t.  Then I tried adding more to my epidural but the machine wasn’t working and somehow the whole thing ended up wearing off.  I was checked and they said I had only a teeny lip of cervix left and could push in a few minutes.  I was very ready and was surprised by how strong the urge to push was.  I had read it is one of the strongest sensations ever and boy was it.  As painful as the contractions were and pushing was exhausting, not pushing was much worse.  We got in a good position and started the pushing process.  We kept one leg on the table and only lifted one (reducing pressure on my hips).  I was soooo tired and it was exhausting.  Charles, was an amazing supportive presence, as I expected.  He physically held me up so I could get better leverage.  They also encouraged me to use the oxygen between contractions to give myself strength (if nothing else, holding the mask gave me something else to think about, which was nice). 

Everyone seemed to think I was doing a good job and you could see the baby’s head.  Having heard stories of people peeing and pooping I wondered whether I would care in the moment, but I can tell you that I wouldn’t care what happened as long as that baby came out of me.  I gave my pushes all I had and didn’t hold back.  I do remember everyone kept telling me to take deeper breaths during the pushing process.  This thoroughly annoyed me because breathing deep was hurting very badly and I was really doing my best.  Charles would lean be forward to push and I realized that although they didn’t want me to lay back during breaths, if I did briefly, I got a better breath.  Without talking about it, Charles and I worked out a system with a quick lean back, a big deep breath and right back at it.  The big breaths did really help once I figured out how to do it. 

I pushed for what seemed like forever and I was sure was about 5 minutes when Deana told me it had been 45 minutes.  At this point, I was thoroughly exhausted and fully lost my cool.  Yes, I will admit that it was COMPLETELY gone.  All of it.  I informed everyone that I couldn’t do it anymore and wanted to quit.  The nurses told me they could redo my epidural but they would have to call the anesthesiologist and it would take another 15 minutes to take effect.  Charles and Deana conspired to empty the room and talked to me about whether I really wanted to try to ignore my contractions for 20-30 minutes or whether I would rather just have my baby in that same time.  I was annoyed at both of them and then a contraction came and I said “fine, I’ll push” because honestly, ignoring the contraction and suffering was worse than pushing (however the two contractions I took off, although terrible gave me a new sense of energy).  Shortly thereafter, I remember Deana announcing the doctor was there wearing a face shield (MUSIC TO MY EARS).  Dr. Paek started stretching my perineum which told me even more clearly exactly where to push (into the pain) and I focused every last drop of energy under the son into making that baby shoot out (seriously I have never worked so hard at something in my life).  Within two contractions, Logan was born at 3:10 pm after 1 hour and 9 minutes of pushing (average for first time mom’s is 2 hours, average!).  I was so out of my body I remember less how it felt for him to come out and more hearing Charles saying “oh my god, oh my god, he’s here!”  [So much of this is a blur and I remember thinking it would be weird to have a room full of doctors and nurses on delivery but I couldn’t tell you who was there besides me, Deana, Charles, Dr. Paek, and Christine, our nurse.  Charles says there was quite a crowd, but boy was that not my focus at the time, nor do I care now.]

Once Logan was born, he was put on my chest and I was immediately relieved of all of my pain (thanksa god, as grandma Angela says).  They let the cord pulsate so that Logan got extra oxygen from it before allowing Charles to cut it.  Then he was moved higher on my chest (now freed of his tether) and his hands immediately grabbed for my face.  I was so overwhelmed to see my baby so close and to know he was healthy and perfect.  They left him on my chest for a long while (I had asked for that) and Charles and I enjoyed looking at what we had made!  I was surprised I wasn’t tearful, but I also didn’t cry in labor so I think I didn’t have energy for crying!  After so much work, it seemed to so crazy to finally be holding our baby Logan!

After a while Logan got cold (apparently I was a clammy mess) so they took him to the warmer and Charles got to go bond with him.  Charles and the nurses also gave him a quick bath and got him all diapered, weighed, measured, low-jacked, and footprinted.  He came back to me quickly for bonding and breast feeding.  I asked, and they respected that we get quite a bit more bonding time (although we got a good chunk up front) before any immunizations.  I got to try to feed him (which worked a little) and then just hold him skin-to-skin.  It was amazing.  I really got to get a good look at him.  Although at this point I realized I recognized him very much close but if someone took him across the room he didn’t seem as familiar to me.  Probably that initial imprinting right after birth worked for close up but I had to learn to recognize him across the room.  Now from any distance I know he’s mine ;). 

Shortly thereafter, everything calmed down.  We were basically left with Logan to do what we want with assistance from the Nurse.  Our doula left, and my parents came up to say hello.  Logan got his first and only trip out of our room during his hospital stay from my parents while I got out of bed for the first time.  I love that our hospital doesn’t take the baby out of the room for anything!  After that, we settled in for a quiet night of the three of us (with the occasional nurse checking in).  Our hospital has a nurse assigned only to you during delivery and she never leaves (other than to pee, etc.), which was amazing and we loved our nurse Christine.  After that there is a nurse who just checks on you occasionally, which is also perfect so you can figure some things out on your own and bond as a family.  We dosed lightly all evening and night (both frantically waking at every weird sound from Logan).  We also both fell trap to the poke-the-baby-to-make-sure-he’s-alive-trap, which is never a good idea!  It was a wonderful peaceful first night as parents and it was fun to be doing it with Charles.

The only slightly complication was that Logan had low blood sugar after delivery.  We knew that my blood sugar, although really well controlled during the pregnancy, was a little high the last week because of the protracted labor and flaring arthritis.  Because of this, Logan’s system adjusted to making more insulin to compensate for the sugar in the blood coming through the placenta.  After delivery, when only eating small amounts of colostrum, this insulin made his blood sugar dip.  After 1 low reading we were give two options.  One, keep feeding just colostrum and hope it goes up a bit (it was only a smidge low), but if it is low again he would have to go to the NICU, where they would feed him formula and he wouldn’t get to stay with us.  Or, we could supplement my feedings with a little tube and a tiny bit of formula (which came out of tube when he sucked on my nipple), and if he had 3 good readings in a row, they wouldn’t have to test his blood sugar any more (no more heal pokes), and no threat of NICU.  We decided on the second.  I couldn’t stand to gamble that they might take him to the NICU and away from me and I figured as long as he wasn’t given a bottle, the formula wouldn’t kill him.  It did make his poop smelly for a bit but it is back to normal now (much harder to tell when it is time to change the diaper). 

Otherwise, it was peaceful and the next day our friends Michael and Cam (who are delivering today, 1/10), and Jared and Becky came by briefly to visit and we also saw my OB, Dr. Kline twice.  We left at about 5 pm and came home.  My parents met us at home and we settled in for a nap since we hadn’t slept much at the hospital since we were watching Logan breathe (haha, I wish I was joking). 

It was truly a difficult but wonderful experience and I am so thankful for the hospital staff, doctors, birth team (Charles and Deana) and all the support from family and friends.  As hard as it was, I am already ready to say we are definitely going to try for a second kid (though not for another year or so).